A Mass Effect Christmas Story
by Blackdeer7
Summary: Yep. Another holiday story comes your way. It takes place while the Normandy SR-1 crew is on the hunt for Saren. Some highlights - Shepard is a scrooge, Liara is naïve, Tali is creative and Wrex is still Krogan. Amusing antics ensue. Ch 2 posted... Story now complete.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

This is a tribute to the various Christmas specials, movies, TV shows and stories I've seen and/or read over the years that have poked a little fun at the holiday. I started this story last year (2012), but never completed the second chapter (bad me), so when December rolled around this year, I dusted off the story and started anew. Much has been added, everything was edited and the final chapter (ch2) will be rolled out soon. Blame the wickedly cold weather and snow blanketing the land around me for this focused inspiration.

Overall, there are some old, new and –dare I say - traditional jokes woven within the fic, so hopefully one or more will bring you some holiday cheer. Enjoy!

* * *

A Mass Effect Christmas Story – Chapter 1

Commander Jane Shepard marched her way from the Embassy suites toward the Alliance docking bay. Although it was December 22nd – by the Earth standard calendar – the Spectre was anything but jolly. Her crimson armor may even have been considered festive, but when added to the scowl on her face and irritated demeanor of her body language the visual was more imposing than inviting. Especially since she was muttering to herself while repeatedly smacking her right fist into her open left palm.

"Unbelievable," the Spectre grumbled. "How many Council members does it take to change a light bulb?"

_*Smack*_

In an exaggerated, high-pitched voice, she replied to herself. "I don't know, Shepard. How many _does_ it take?"

_*Smack* _

Returning to her surly "I've-just-met-with-the-Council-tone", she laid out the punch line. "None, ya blithering idiot! They consider themselves so enlightened that they don't mind sitting in the dark."

_*Smack*_

The only thing Shepard hated more than wasting her time with the Citadel Council's inane but mandatory "we don't know what we are doing, but we look official" meetings was feeling idle and adrift. And that is exactly how she felt since the _Normandy_ arrived at the Alliance docking bay for repairs three days ago. There had been no daring rescues, impossible fact finding missions or hazardous encounters with lunatics for over a week and the toll of boredom was showing in her prickly disposition. She needed some excitement, some action. She needed to hit someone.

If she had to endure the holiday while grounded on a space station, then that wish was going to the top of her Christmas list.

By the time the Spectre reached the docking bay, it was early in the evening and she had sufficiently calmed down from her meeting with the Council. At least enough that she was no longer smacking her fists together and muttering obscenities under her breath. The _Normandy_ repair crews were hard at work on the outer hull, so the commander slowed her stride, taking a moment to observe their progress. The sight of the frigate always had a soothing effect on her mood and while her eyes slipped over its graceful shape, a subtle, doting smile adorned her lips. She took in a deep, cleansing breath and slowly exhaled... then her eyes narrowed and the smile turned into a menacing frown. The commander had spotted three new, unofficial, non-Alliance protrusions on her ship – a large, red, bulb-like shape affixed to the nose of the frigate and two antler-like antennas on the top of the hull. She knew immediately who to blame.

"Williams," she growled.

In a flash, the commander headed in the direction of the frigate's airlock door. Once inside the ship, she set off toward the elevator.

"I don't care if it is Christmas," she declared adamantly to empty space, "the Normandy is _not_ a reindeer. And hood ornaments are_ not_ allowed"

"Shepard!"

The Spectre angrily spun around, and gazed upon a familiar, but oddly dressed figure. "Garrus," she roared, barely disguising her frustration at being intercepted, "what the bloody hell is around your neck?"

"This?" the Turian questioned as he pointed to the round evergreen adorned with red berries, pine cones and a red bow that circled his neck. "It a Christmas wreath."

"I know _what_ it is, but _why_ is it around your neck?!"

"I wanted to wear something authentic for the Christmas party tonight."

"Humans usually hang wreaths on a wall or door," the Spectre chided. "We don't wear them around our neck."

Garrus shook his head in disbelief. "Dr. Chakwas showed me a vid of the last holiday party she attended. Quite a few humans were wearing wreaths." The Turian picked a red holly berry off the wreath and ate it. "The dual purpose as an appetizer is genius!"

She stared incredulously at the Turian for a few seconds, but finally gave up when she realized he was quite serious about his holiday accessory. "Fine," she said, waving him off with a dismissive hand gesture, "it's your fashion statement." Then her steely green eyes narrowed in annoyance. "Now, what did you want?"

"Tali and I need your help."

The Spectre sighed heavily, raking her fingers through her short, dark red hair. No matter how much time she spent styling it or how much product she used, the naturally curly locks always made her pixie cut look disheveled. "My help? Can it wait? I've got an ass-chewing to give."

"It's important," Garrus said, his voice almost pleading. "We really need your input."

"With what?"

"It's easier to show you rather than tell you." The Turian motioned for her to follow him. "Come on."

Rolling her eyes in exasperation, the red-haired human quietly muttered, "This had better be important…"

Garrus led the Spectre down to the Mess, but as she stepped through the threshold of the group dining area a barrage of sparkling objects caught her eye, stopping her dead in her tracks.

"What the hell?" she said through gritted teeth as her hand slid down to her pistol. The familiar, soothing shape of the handle helped her maintain her composure.

Earlier that morning, before meeting with the Council, she'd had breakfast in the large room and it had looked normal, nothing had been out of place. Gun-metal grey walls, a long picnic-like table to eat at, a small kitchenette for the crew to heat up their rations or cook if they had spent creds on real ingredients. Now though, the room looked like something out of a Norman Rockwell Christmas print. A large, fake fir tree adorned with white lights, silver garland and various shapes, colors and sizes of ornaments stood in the far corner of the room – wisely on the opposite side of the kitchenette to avoid unwanted fire emergencies. Multicolored strings of lights had been hung up around the room, giving the space a surreal feel as the prismatic hues reflected off the metal walls. Holiday music was even playing in the background.

"Alenko," the Spectre grumbled as she looked around the room, taking in the whole festive scene while scowling in aggravation, completely unaware that her hand had tightened reflexively on the handle of her pistol.

Before she said or did something rash, Shepard bit her lower lip, then finished following Garrus over to the kitchenette where Tali was busying herself with an odd looking mechanical apparatus that consisted of three metal pots – one of which was being heated by a gas burner – and various metal piping that connected them all together in a perplexing tubular web. To Shepard the tangled contraption looked suspiciously like an antique moonshine still.

"What the hell is going on here?" she questioned sharply.

Garrus straightened the wreath so the ribbon fell down his chest like a necktie. Then, he ate another holly berry. "Tali and I wanted to better understand your human customs surrounding the Christmas holiday and the various inebriated celebrations it entails. We came across a traditional drink called eggnog, so naturally we decided to replicate it."

The Spectre shook her head in exasperation. "Naturally. And this doohickey?" She pulled out her pistol, pointing the barrel at the labyrinth-like apparatus.

Tali looked up from her work behind the large, pieced together machine. "It's for scientific purposes only, Shepard. I'll dismantle it as soon as the experiment is over."

"Yes, you will." The tone of her voice made it perfectly clear that the still would be removed from her ship. Pronto. It was bad enough that the humans on-board were going out of their way to disrupt the _Normandy_ with their holiday antics, but to have the non-human crew join in as well was overkill. Holstering her pistol, she asked, "Tali, why is there a string of lights wrapped around your body?"

"Oh!" the Quarian said excitedly, "watch this!" She proceeded to connect one end of the string into a small power cell on her belt, then suddenly the collage of multicolored, blinking lights lit up making her look very similar to the decorated fir tree in the corner. "Isn't it beautiful?"

"Um, yeah, it's very…flashy," Shepard mumbled, not having the heart to tell the youngest member of her crew that she looked ridiculous. "Who helped you pick it out?"

"Nobody helped me," the Quarian proudly stated. "After Garrus and I saw Dr. Chakwas' holiday vid, I knew exactly how I wanted to accessorize my outfit."

A barely perceptible smile curled on the Spectre's lips as she made a mental note to ask the Alliance medical officer to see that vid. "That must have been one hell of a party."

"Everyone seemed to be having a good time and they were dressed so colorfully which is what inspired my outfit."

The Spectre focused her full attention back on the Quarian's blinking attire. "Wow. Yeah. That's… definitely unique." As her right hand rubbed the back of her neck, she added uncomfortably, "Goes well with your environmental suit."

"Thanks, Shepard," Tali said sounding quite pleased.

Before she had to lie anymore, the Spectre brought the conversation back on track. "So why do the two of you need my help again?"

Garrus walked over to the intricate still and from its faucet poured the contents into a coffee mug. "Since this eggnog has no _dextro_-amino acids, we need a human to taste test it for us."

"What about Williams?" To the Spectre, assigning the Gunnery Chief to be the guinea pig for the experimental holiday brew seemed like an ideal avenue of punishment for adding unsanctioned reindeer décor to the _Normandy's_ hull.

"Ashley said she is a flexitarian," Tali replied while playing with remote controlling her lights. She was testing different blinking speeds, randomizing their grouping and even changing the color of the bulbs.

"A what?" the commander scoffed.

"A vegetarian who sometimes consumes meat products."

"How convenient for her…"

While the string of lights around her body flashed rapidly between red and white, Tali commented, "In this case, she said she couldn't drink any without violating her personal beliefs."

"Which are?"

The Quarian tilted her head just enough so the blinking lights reflected off of her visor. "That it would make her sick."

The commander rolled her eyes in disbelief. "Sick, indeed. I think I'm going to be sick right now. And Alenko?"

Once again, Garrus offered the mug to the red-haired human. "He said he was something called… lactose intolerant."

"That was cured over a hundred years ago!" Shepard barked cantankerously.

"He mentioned something about his L2 implant causing …"

"Oh bloody hell! Just give me the damn eggnog! I swear if you were half as creative while you were in C-Sec, Saren would already be behind bars!"

Garrus' facial plates moved into a shape that could only be considered a Turian form of a smile and then handed the cup to the commander.

Eyes squinting, she examined the concoction suspiciously, and then commented, "It's green."

"Yeah. We tried to give it that off-white color, but neither of us liked it, so we made it green." Stretching both arms out as though to encompass the room the Turian happily stated, "Goes better with the décor."

Nonplussed, Shepard said, "Green is also the color of mold."

"According to Dr. Chakwas, your first wonder drug – penicillin, came from mold."

"So do respiratory illnesses and allergies."

"You know for the first human Spectre you're not very brave." Chuckling, Garrus added, "Just drink the damn thing, Shepard. If something happens to you, the medbay is two meters away. Tali will drag you."

"Thanks, Garrus. Nice to know you've got my back."

"Anytime, Shepard."

Sighing dramatically, the human said a silent prayer, took a teeny–tiny sip, and then her eyes widened in amazement. "Holy crap… this is actually good." She took another sip – this time scrutinizing its flavor. "It really has alcohol in it?"

Tali had been listening to their conversation, so she answered. "It really does."

"She was up all night engineering the drink."

"Engineering?" Shepard mumbled with a worried eyebrow raised. "What do you mean by _engineering_?"

At that very moment, a large group arrived in the Mess – Ashley, Wrex, Kaidan, Dr. Chakwas, Joker and Liara. They all appeared to be in a heated discussion, but the Spectre couldn't hear any details because her attention had been drawn in by the Asari who was the last to enter the room. There were two things about the researcher that caught her eye. The first was the unique fleece hat she wore on her head- it looked like the tail of a dragon. The hat was green with a row of white spikes and tassels that continued to the tip of the hat which ended at the Asari's waist. The Spectre had seen snowboarders on the slopes of Elysium wearing similar colorful and whimsical hats, but never thought she would see one on the quiet and shy Asari. Somehow it made her hotter than before and with the added cuteness of looking like a snow bunny, sexier than the Consort. The other thing that captured the Spectre's attention was the pair of deep blue eyes that ensnared her with their mesmerizing tranquility the moment they locked onto hers. In quiet moments such as this – when their eyes lingered on each other a bit longer than necessary – Shepard felt the uncomfortable, yet oddly exciting sensation of her stomach dropping into oblivion.

"Commander!" Ashley said as she set down two plates of assorted Christmas cookies on the dining table. "You're just the person we've been looking for."

Shaken out of her reverie, Shepard scowled and turned toward the Gunnery Chief. "What a coincidence, I was looking for you, too. What the hell is on my ship's hull?"

Immediately, Ashley's stance became a little straighter and her face more stoic. "It's just a little Christmas spirit, ma'am. To raise the crew's morale while we're docked at the Citadel."

Dr. Chakwas stepped forward and added, "It's the dreadful bane of the holiday, Commander – the crew misses their families. The colorful decorations and revelry help them feel less isolated while out in the middle of space. Being reminded of the spirit of goodwill has the unique ability to make everyone feel more connected to home."

"We were just trying to help," Kaidan said, stepping near the three women so he didn't have to shout. "Add a little levity to our lives for a day or two. Chasing Saren has really taken its toll on everyone, Commander." Feeling as though he was a kid who had just been caught with his hand in the cookie jar, he mumbled, "I'll make sure the antlers and red nose are removed before we leave space dock."

"See that you do," Shepard said curtly. Then she groused under her breath, so no one else could hear, "Santa has little elf helpers and I get holiday minions."

In an attempt to forget her annoyance, the Spectre's eyes searched across the room for Liara's, but the Asari had already turned her gaze to the floor. A disappointed sigh escaped the red head's lips.

"Alright, since we're all here," Ashley said, raising her voice to address the group, "we need to figure out a way to choose our Secret Santas." The Chief had explained the finer points of the gift giving ritual to the non-humans while the commander was in her meeting with the Citadel Council.

A "kill me now" groan emanated from the commander as her right hand palmed her face and her body sank to a seated position on a bench near the dining table.

Tali looked up from behind the still, the lights were now blue and appeared to be racing around her body. "I could build a random name generator."

Frowning slightly, Liara turned her head toward the group, flipping the tail of her hat behind her shoulder, and asked, "Would it not be more prudent to match complimentary people to make the gift giving less difficult?"

Garrus piped in. "This can be solved with calibration and numbers. I've got nine numbers in my head and nine letters. You tell me the number and I'll tell you the matching letter."

"Turian numbers and letters?" Tali asked. "It can't be Krogan, their alphabet doesn't go that high."

Wrex grunted in a challenging tenor. "Krogan focus on bloodshed not prose! No one complained about _that_ when the Rachni were destroying your colonies."

"Or we could use the toothpick method," Joker said, avoiding the Krogan's declaration. He had hobbled over to the cookies and was currently in the process of eating a sugar cookie cut in the shape of a bell. "I'll size nine pairs of toothpicks, everyone gets one size and everyone else picks to match."

"Then you lose the 'secret' part of this," Ashley pointed out.

"You're always so picky. Picky, picky, picky!"

As the group began to argue over the best method of selection, Shepard looked over at Dr. Chakwas and rolled her eyes. Sighing ruefully, the older woman shook her head, walked into her med bay and opened up her desk drawer. While she wrote everyone's name on small, individual pieces of paper, the Spectre paced briskly over to her storage locker.

Liara asked, "Are the letters sequential or the numbers sequential?"

"Both are sequential," said Garrus. "We'll go in order from oldest to youngest."

"Ten," Wrex said, knowing no one in this room could outmaneuver him, even in the age department.

Ashley huffed. "There is no ten."

"'A' through 'I' and one through nine," Garrus said, trying to be helpful.

The Krogan Battlemaster crossed his arms defiantly in front of his chest. "Ten."

The med bay doors swooshed open and Chakwas reentered the mess hall with the slips of paper in hand. She walked over to Shepard who had retrieved her environmental helmet and let the slips of paper fall into the protective headgear.

The Spectre cleared her throat to interrupt the group discussion, holding up her helmet which now had all the names in it. "Pick a name," she said, "and if you get your own, put it back in."

Liara looked surprised. "Oh, that could work, too."

"Yeah," said Garrus, "that's good."

Nodding her head, Ashley agreed, "Good idea, Skipper."

Smiling sarcastically, Shepard said, "That's why I get paid the big bucks, Chief."

The commander proceeded to make her way around the room until everyone had taken a name from the helmet, leaving only one slip of paper for her. She captured the lone scrap and looked at the name: Garrus.

"_Great," _she thought, _"I've got two days to figure out what a Turian would like for Christmas. The way he's eating those berries… maybe another wreath."_

While the Spectre returned the helmet to her locker, the rest of the crew began chatting and sampling the eggnog and Christmas cookies – except for Garrus and Tali. Their biology was different from the rest of the crew which limited their ability to share in the holiday fare.

"I almost forgot," Alenko said, after spying the Turian and Quarian standing without a cookie or drink in hand. He stepped over to the kitchenette and knelt down in front of a locked door and then punched a security code into the keypad. When he stood, he handed a large plate of cookies to Garrus and two drink pouches to Tali. "Courtesy of the Normandy Christmas fund. Dextro-protein based food and drink. The shop on the Citadel didn't have anything that resembled Christmas shaped cookies – space ships were all they had."

"Oh look," Tali squealed, "if we arrange them just so…" The Quarian spread all of the cookies out on the counter-top. "…it will resemble the Flotilla!"

Garrus looked at the scene before him, picked up four of the cookies, took a bite out of each of them and then returned them to their positions on the table. "There. That's more accurate."

The Quarian looked at the broken cookies and sighed. "I suppose you are right, Vakarian." Then she slugged him hard in the arm.

Dr. Chakwas, Joker and Ashley had gathered near the Christmas tree in the corner of the room admiring its beauty. Although it was a fake fir tree, the scent coming off of it smelled the same a real one.

The pilot took a tentative sip from his engineered eggnog, nodded his head in approval and then took another long swig. "What Santa Claus is supposed to do is impossible."

"He keeps a list. Checks it twice," Ashley replied. "What's the big deal?"

"There is no way possible he could deliver all of those presents in one night!"

"Yeah, yeah, I know," the Chief said, sounding bored. "But if you rearrange 'Secret Santa', you get 'Secret Satan'."

"How is that relevant to what I am saying?"

"It's not. It's just more interesting."

Joker shot the soldier a disparaging look and then continued on his rant. "On Earth alone, in order to be possible, Santa would have to park his sleigh, unload presents, fill stockings, eat snacks, get back into his sleigh and onto the next house in about 1/1000th of a second!"

Chakwas glanced at the pilot with subtle amusement in her eyes and then took a hearty sip from her cup of green eggnog. "Do we have to go over this _every_ year, Jeff?"

"With the weight of the presents and the speed that he'd need to travel in the open sleigh, the jolly guy would face G forces over 17000 Gs! That's like 3,000 times the speed of sound. Which is totally cool, but crazy and impossible! He'd be nothing more than a splat on the back of his sleigh. Kids have to be stupid to believe that!"

"First of all," the silver-haired doctor chided, "let me suggest to you that young children are not stupid, they are just children. Second, and I say this on the highest authority, Santa… is magic."

"Maybe the big guy is slipping people _magic_ mushrooms to make them believe he could travel that fast," the pilot muttered. "And that's not even considering all of the planetary colonies he supposedly visits or the fact that reindeer can't fly."

"What was that, Mr. Moreau?" Chakwas said, her right hand cupping her ear as though trying to catch an elusive sound. "I didn't quite hear you."

"Nothing, Doc," he grumbled waving her off, "Magic. Sure. That explains it all. Even the red-nosed reindeer and the island of misfit toys."

After securing her locker, the Spectre's gaze spanned across the room and caught sight of Liara staring intently at one of the plates of cookies that Ashley brought. Shepard crossed the distance to the Asari and stared at the same plate trying to figure out what was so fascinating.

"Nice hat," she said.

Liara glanced at the red-haired woman, self-consciously capturing the end of the dragon's tail and rubbing it nervously between her fingertips. "Thank you."

"Let me guess, you watched Chakwas' holiday video and got inspired like the rest of the crew."

The Asari's brow furrowed in confusion. "Holiday vid?" Shaking her head, she said, "No, Commander, I saw no such helpful tutorial."

Now it was Shepard's turn to be confused. "Then how did you come up with the hat?"

"I researched traditional human winter clothing on the extranet," the Asari stated matter-of-factly.

"Oh, that explains it," the Spectre said, clearly amused. "Now all you need is an antique toboggan and you'll be the fastest Asari on the slopes."

"Is this not proper holiday attire?" Liara questioned, a purplish blush slowly spreading across her cheeks indicating her growing embarrassment. "Chief Williams assured me… I had my doubts, but all my research-"

Shepard quickly raised both of her hands, interrupting the Asari's flustered rant. "What? No! You look great! The hat is perfect!" Even though that hat was a little over the top considering they were indoors, she couldn't bring herself to take advantage of the researcher's faux pas regarding human customs. Plus, the Asari was even more adorable when she was discombobulated. "And it matches your outfit." The green and white dragon tail was an identical shade to the researcher's familiar green and white jumpsuit.

"I tried wearing the customary red outfit," Liara admitted, "Joker called it a Santa suit, but it was too warm and made me sneeze. Dr. Chakwas thinks I may be allergic to the fur trim."

Shepard stared at the Asari with a slack-jawed expression, imagining her in only black boots, white fur...and the green and white dragon tail hat. Now _that_ would be a Christmas present to wish for.

After a few moments, she shook herself out of fantasy land, then noticed that Liara had turned her attention back to the cookies on the table. Clearing her throat, she asked, "Trying to figure out which one will be tastier?" Her mouth watered involuntarily as more fantasy images flashed through her mind.

"My research indicates that Christmas has its roots in the human pagan festival of Saturnalia," the researcher stated as she turned her head to face the commander, "which is traditionally celebrated by intoxication, naked singing and the consumption of those human-shaped biscuits."

"Actually, they're called gingerbread cookies." Winking playfully at the Asari, the Spectre added, "But the naked singing sounds interesting."

The researcher smiled as blue eyes locked onto green for what seemed like a pleasurable eternity, but then her soft gaze shifted into a hesitant expression. "Commander, may I ask you a question?"

Shrugging her shoulder noncommittally, Shepard said, "Sure. Why not?"

"You do not seem to be enjoying the festivities as much as the others."

"What? No. They're great," the human said through a forced smile. "Really."

The Asari remained silent, her eyes studying the woman before her… who was obviously lying.

Seeing that her contrived answer was less than believable Shepard released a long sigh, raking her fingers through her short, tousled red hair. Finally, she admitted, "Christmas has never been a favorite holiday of mine."

Furrowing her brow, Liara said, "May I ask why?"

The Spectre started to reply, but looked around the crowded room and stopped. "Ask me some other time."

Liara nodded her head in understanding. "Is there anything you do like about it?"

"I like Frosty the Snowman."

"Oh!" the Asari exclaimed excitedly. "That is the song about a snowman who came to life by the placement of a magical hat found by some children."

Shepard smiled at the researcher's factual assessment. "Yes, that's the one."

"The children and snowman share some playful adventures before he has to – as the song says – 'hurry on his way'."

"Exactly."

Taking on a logical tone, the researcher explained, "That is most likely a quaint reference to melting, and the ephemeral nature of snowmen."

"You've really put some serious thought into this song."

"On the contrary, Commander, it is just a logical deduction."

"Not for most."

Liara moved over to the still, filled a mug and then stared at the dark green liquid as though debating its palatability. "I find that I am disturbed by the ending though."

"How so?" the Spectre asked. Following behind the Asari, she refilled her own mug.

Turning back around to face the human, Liara explained, "At the end of their adventures together, the children are saddened by Frosty's leaving, however, he reassures them by exclaiming, 'I will be back again someday.' It is unclear as to whether or not he upholds this promise, leaving the song on… as you humans say… a cliffhanger."

Shepard laughed out loud. "Don't worry," she said reassuringly. "He comes back. There's even a vid about it."

"Truly?" The Asari's blue eyes were wide in astonishment.

"I'll make sure it finds its way to you before the end of the night."

"Thank you, Commander."

"Anytime, Doctor."

The Asari glanced shyly at the Spectre and then took a long drink from her cup. Breathing in deeply, as though gathering her courage, she blurted out, "Shepard?"

The Spectre tilted her head in curiosity causing short strands of hair to fall softly around her ears accentuating their natural amber highlights. "Yes?"

"There is something I would like to show you. I – ah – I think it may improve your holiday mood."

Her interest immediately piqued, the human said, "Oh?"

"But it is in the shuttle bay. Do you have time to go down there?"

"Sure, Liara. Give me a few minutes to get out of this armor, then I'll be right with you."

"You do not need to change," the Asari said as she nervously bit her lower lip while twirling the end of her hat between her fingers. "Just meet me there in ten minutes."

Intrigued, the Spectre replied, "Okay. See you in a few."

Next up: Chapter 2


	2. Chapter 2

A Mass Effect Christmas Story – Chapter 2

_Earlier that morning in the Mess…_

"_The next person who says 'It's not the lights, it's the wire' will learn that it's not my fist, but the impact."_

"_Come on, Chief. This __**is**__ a little crazy."_

"_I'm telling you, Joker, it will work like a charm."_

"_I don't see how."_

"_Of course __**you**__ don't. You're a researcher, not a strategist. All you need to do is follow through on your end of the deal and I'll make sure you get your opportunity. This will work, people! The time is __**now**__! Come on! We only have a few hours before Shepard gets back from her meeting with the Council."_

…

As Shepard headed toward the shuttle bay to meet Liara, she heard Eartha Kitt's version of the holiday song "Santa Baby" ringing through the corridors of the Normandy. She stopped in the middle of the walkway for a moment and enjoyed the unique, sultry performance. Even after hundreds of years, the seductive rendition was electric—not in the neon sense, but in a way that made you sure that if you had ever been fortunate enough to get too close to the songstress, you would have felt the thrill of a static shock merrily buzzing through your fingertips.

Resuming her journey towards the lower level, Shepard shook her head. The provocative choice of seasonal music was a clear indicator of who was to blame for the lapse in Alliance ship wide communication protocol.

"Joker," she growled.

Once the Spectre stepped through the docking bay door, she stopped, looking both left and right trying to catch sight of the Asari.

"Liara?" she said, her raised voice echoing through the room's wide open space and vaulted ceiling.

When there was no reply, she checked her omni-tool. No messages had been sent, either. Assuming the researcher had been unintentionally delayed, she began to walk through the bay performing an impromptu inspection. She hated being idle or waiting on anything, or for anyone.

The moment she stepped past the Mako, she noticed something completely out of place for the docking bay of a military vessel: a bright, cherry red hover car with its driver side door opened and, like the Normandy, it was adorned with a set of faux antlers on the top of the cab and a big red nose on the front grill. As she got closer to the vehicle, she spotted a large rectangular package in the passenger seat. It was wrapped in the gaudiest silver and gold paper this side of the Milky Way and was tied with a bright red ribbon and bow. The red color matched that of the hover car's nose.

"What the hell…," she muttered.

On top of the package was a datapad. Shepard reached into the cab, picked it up, then activated the screen and saw the following message:

_Good evening, Commander Shepard. As a member of the Citadel Council's elite force, you have been selected to assist in maintaining yuletide harmony. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, involves the recovery of a stolen item designated "The Tinsel." The hover car will take you to the pre-routed location where you will use your particular talents to liberate the item. Dr. T'Soni is at the designated area waiting for your arrival. This message will self-destruct in five seconds._

And just as the message indicated, five seconds later the datapad disintegrated into a puff of green and red tinted smoke.

The Spectre rolled her eyes at the sight of the holiday themed fumes, then settled in the driver's seat and shut the door. Although the seat wasn't designed with a fully armored individual in mind, after spending a few moments on adjustments, she found a comfortable position. Then, she huffed loudly in irritation. At least now she knew why the Asari suggested she not change into more casual clothing before their meeting in the shuttle bay.

"Okay, T'Soni," she grumbled to herself, "I'll play your merry little game."

As the car lifted off the ground, the windows automatically tinted to a nontransparent black, obscuring any and all ability to visually monitor the journey. The Spectre secretly hoped the Normandy's docking bay doors were also automated or the trip would be exceedingly short-lived.

Since there was nothing to do but sit back and attempt to enjoy the ride, she turned her attention to the package in the passenger seat. Once unwrapped, she opened the box and found an unexpected item: a new, fully loaded pistol with an optics upgrade already installed. She recognized the weapon as one she had been coveting while browsing in the C-Sec acquisitions office a few days prior. She picked it up admiring its weight and sleek lines, then noticed the pistol had been lying on top of a tag which read: _Expertly calibrated by Garrus Vakarian_.

Shepard frowned, then flipped the pistol's safety to the off position. "So there's more than one Christmas conspirator. Good to know."

Ten minutes later, the festively decorated hover car, having arrived at its destination, settled gently on the ground and the driver's side door opened. Shepard stepped out of the vehicle and to her astonishment found herself in what could only be described as a winter wonderland. Snow blanketed the woodland scene, covering the vast pine forest to her left and highlighting the banks of the slowly rolling stream to her right. In front of her was a small hill, not more than twenty feet tall, but which obscured her view of anything in the distance. Behind her, beyond the hover car was vast plateau of nothingness: a barren snowy wasteland, completely flat with no discernible landmarks in sight. It was as though she had been dropped into the middle of a Currier and Ives winter print.

Wanting to get a better view of the area, Shepard holstered her pistol then moved forward trudging up the hill, each footfall scrunching the snow which echoed through the crisp air. Once she reached the peak, she stopped and took in the bizarre scene before her. The evening sky was clear, providing enough light to easily see by but that didn't really help the Spectre process the otherworldly landscape beyond the hill.

To her left, as the wooded expanse of the pine trees spread out, it was gradually infiltrated and overrun by tall, red and white striped cylinder-like objects that each had a hook at the top.

"This can't be real," Shepard mumbled dumbly. "A candy cane forest?"

Beyond the forest, along the horizon line was a ridge of snowcapped mountains… brightly colored mountains shaped like truncated cones.

She rubbed her eyes and looked again. "And gum drop mountains?"

Turning her head to her right, she noticed that the stream cutting a jagged line through the landscape had changed, too. The water was now a dark brown color and the pace of the current had slowed considerably. The flow more closely resembled that of highly viscous lava… if lava was liquid chocolate and could be found in a psychotropic Christmas countryside.

"What the hell?" the Spectre said, shaking her head as though to clear her thoughts. "Things have definitely taken a turn for the surreal."

While she stood at the top of the hill trying to make sense of what she was seeing, mechanical sounds emanated from the Candy Cane Forest. Drawing her pistol, Shepard prepared herself to move quickly. Then, seven oddly shaped mechs came into view. They were half the size of normal mechs and each had a green stocking cap on its head.

Just as Shepard was going to move in their direction, one of the miniature mechs stepped forward. "Merry Christmas," it exclaimed in a scratchy mechanical voice. Then it raised an arm, fully displaying the pistol it was carrying.

The shot rang out, but the Spectre had already dodged to the left and rolled to a kneeling position.

"If you don't understand it," she sneered, "shoot it."

And she did.

As the mech fell to the ground, she spat, "Merry fucking Christmas to you, too."

Then the remaining mechs raised their pistols and started shooting while shouting out a barrage of various Christmas greetings. "Joyeux Noël", "Feliz Navidad", "Froehliche Weihnachten", "Nollaig Shona Dhuit", "Zalig Kerstfeest", "Buon Natale" and "Milad Mubarak" were just some of the phrases the Spectre recognized while returning fire before diving down the hill in a move that had her unexpectedly sliding face first into candy cane tree. She recovered quickly, staying low and scooting behind the cover of foliage from a nearby fir tree. The miniature mechs moved a bit slower than their normal-sized counterparts which gave her enough time to get to safety without being injured. She then proceeded to eliminate each of the mechs with a single, skillfully placed round to the head.

Once she was satisfied they were no longer going give her a murderous greeting, she walked over to examine their metal remains. Along with the green stocking caps, they were adorned with perplexing pointy ears, footwear that curled at the toes and individual names etched into their chest plate: Buddy, Elfie, Jingle, Snowflake, Bob, Twinkle, and Fred.

Shepard shook her head, picking up one of the heads that had detached after being shot. "A mech elf? You've got to be bloody killing me. In fact, you _were_ trying to kill me."

Annoyed, she threw the mech's head haphazardly over her shoulder… then an explosion catapulted her face first into the snowy hill side. Pistol still in hand she rolled onto her back and saw one of the pine trees smoking. In fact, there really wasn't a pine tree left, just smoke rising from what was left of its disintegrated trunk. She brushed a few disheveled strands of red hair from her eyes, then slowly got to her feet. With a sneaking suspicion in mind, she raised her pistol and fired at a pine tree which—she hoped—was at a safe distance.

The bullet hit its mark and the tree exploded. Then she pointed her pistol at a candy cane tree. The bullet ricocheted off into the distance.

"Homicidal mechs. Check. Exploding fir trees. Check. Going to wring some squad mates necks. Double check." With her resolve fortified, the Spectre set off to find some answers… and the Asari and Turian who set her up.

"Garrus and Liara," she yelled, "I'm coming for you!"

Since she had fortuitously slid to the bottom of the hill, she was able to stumble upon the foot trail that followed the edge of the Candy Cane Forest heading in the direction of the Chocolate River.

"Well, this should be fun," she grumbled, then started down the path.

As she approached the dark flowing stream, she noticed an odd looking bridge that crossed the liquid waterway. The bridge was odd because it appeared to be modeled after a gingerbread house. The building material had a unique tan to light brown coloring and seemed slightly porous. It was also covered with various candies and what could have passed for white frosting.

Raising an inquisitive eyebrow, Shepard muttered, "Can this get any weirder?"

Before she was able to inspect the sturdiness of the bridge, the Spectre heard a deafening noise emanating from behind her. It sounded like the candy canes were being uprooted and splintered into a thousand pieces. Then she felt the ground shake intermittently beneath her. Like something caused by heavy, plodding footfalls.

"Ugh…" The open palm of her free hand covered her face. "This can't be good."

Hesitantly, she turned around and to her great dismay realized her comment was obnoxiously prophetic.

Breaking through the candy cane tree line was a white, monstrously tall, hulking figure more than three times her height and at least as wide as the Mako. Its shortened legs were out of proportion to its massive upper body which was probably why both of its three fingered hands dragged along the ground. Even though there was a furry tuft of white hair on top of the beast's head, its movements were slow and were accompanied by the whirring, clicking sound of machinery. When the brute turned its head, two tiny glowing red eyes locked onto her.

"Fantastic," she groaned. "The Abominable Mech."

Assuming the creature would attack her just as the others had and knowing her pistol would have little effect, Shepard holstered her weapon and sprinted deep into the Candy Cane Forest. From the corner of her eye she saw the lumbering mech turn towards her, and while running for secure cover, she heard the candy canes break and crumble beneath the behemoth's mass.

As fast as she was though, she wasn't quick enough to avoid being launched into the air when the highly explosive round the mech fired detonated ten meters behind her.

"Rockets?" the Spectre barked angrily as she nimbly rolled onto her feet and continued running. "How the hell does an Abominable Mech get rockets?!"

Then, she got an idea.

She altered her course and headed back towards the hill where the fir trees and candy canes mixed. The giant mech promptly followed, firing explosive projectiles in her direction every five meters. The mech was big, but it wasn't smart. The Spectre assumed that only a limited AI was controlling its functions and her hunch was proven correct when it slowly trudged by a tall pine tree. That's when she pulled out her pistol and shot the exploding evergreen.

The detonation propelled the mech towards another pine, so the Spectre shot that one, as well. This time the mech was close enough that the explosion blasted the metal beast off of its feet and onto its back. Shepard could hear the whirring and clicking as its hydraulic joints were pushed to their maximum thrust but were still unable to return the contraption to an upright position.

Quick and concise, the Spectre snuck up on the floundering mech, spied its control panel, and proceeded to open it, ripping out the circuitry with her gloved hand. The mech stopped moving.

Then, she heard the clapping of applause behind her.

"Nicely done, Shepard!"

The Spectre spun around, pistol aimed at the new addition. "What the hell is this?" she spouted acerbically.

Oblivious to the human's irritation, Garrus replied merrily, "Isn't this great?!" He had a drink in one hand and a cookie in the other.

Shepard holstered her pistol. "Oh yeah, this is _great_." Then she crossed her arms in front of her chest and gave the Turian a force ten glare, the kind that could peel paint from the bulkheads. "It really is something. I don't know what, but it's _something_."

"Two weeks of awesomeness is what it is. Took us that long to get the holographic environment just right."

Confused, the Spectre repeated, "Holographic?" Then she looked around landscape and the weirdness suddenly made perfect sense. "So where are we?"

"On the Citadel. We rented out one of the Armax Combat Arenas. Holographics made things much easier, but we wanted combat to be more authentic for you, so we used real mechs."

The Spectre's disapproving scowl deepened. For a split second, just a second though, it seemed like her entire face might get sucked into one of the deep ridges marring her forehead from all the tension exerted on her skin.

Unfazed, Garrus took a small, nonchalant bite out of his cookie. "We did it out of love."

"Yeah. I feel loved, alright." Pointing towards the metal remains, she asked, "So… what's with naming the homicidal mech elves?"

Garrus took a sip of his drink before replying. "Tali likes naming the things she makes." When he saw the questioning look still on the Spectre's face, the Turian added, "Feels more 'Flotilla' for her."

"And the exploding trees?"

"That was inspired from one of Earth's Christmas songs."

"What?!" Shepard scoffed. "There's no song that has exploding trees in it."

"It's called 'O Tanum Bomb'. I'm not sure what 'tanum' is, but bomb is self-explanatory in my book."

Shepard blinked. "Um… I'm pretty sure that song is actually called 'O Tannenbaum' and has nothing to do with blowing things up. A tannenbaum is the name for a fir tree in Earth's German language."

"An exploding fir tree," Ashley teased, as she stood atop the hill.

"You knew about this?!" Shepard said accusingly.

"Of course. I helped plan this little gift. And I thought the idea of an exploding tree was kinda funny."

"It could have killed me!"

Garrus chuckled. "That's a little dramatic, even for you, Shepard."

Rolling her eyes, Ashley said, "Don't be such a scrooge." It didn't take long for her to walk down the hill to stand between the human and Turian.

"Don't be a scrooge?" the Spectre repeated, the tone of her voice rising in pitch, yet somehow becoming more ominous. "What the hell were you thinking, Williams?!"

"Obviously, Skipper, I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not have to explain it."

Liara appeared at the top of the hill, then started her descent towards the group. "We all wanted to do this for you, Shepard." She was still wearing her green fleece dragon tail hat and still looked extraordinarily cute.

"Et tu, T'Soni?" The Spectre shook her head incredulously. "We? Who's _we_?"

"All of _us_," Tali said, opening her arms wide. She appeared at the hill top with the rest of group—Wrex, Joker, Kaidan and Dr. Chakwas—who had a mug of eggnog in each hand. The string of lights wrapped around the Quarian's body was now solid white.

Garrus shrugged his shoulders. "We wanted to show you some Christmas spirit."

"Ah," Shepard said while scrutinizing his apparel. "That explains your antlers."

Adjusting his reindeer hat self-consciously, the Turian replied, "It was a moment of whimsy."

The Spectre smiled, her irritation with this whole winterland deathtrap melting away like snow in the springtime. Then, she snorted. She must have been feeling better, she was musing in metaphors. "Don't worry, Garrus, they look good on you."

"Thanks, Shepard."

A few minutes later the rest of the group had trudged down the hill, Alenko helping Joker so he wouldn't slip.

The Spectre tilted her head in a greeting. "Wrex."

"Shepard," the Krogan replied.

Placing her hands on her hips, the Spectre announced, "So you all tried to kill me for Christmas. I'll try not to read anything into that."

"Kill you?" Liara sputtered, her expression a mixture of astonishment and horror. "No! We… I… Never…"

"If I wanted you dead, Shepard, you'd be dead," Wrex said playfully. Or at least playfully for a Krogan. "Maybe my gift was _not_ killing you."

"Someday, Wrex, that comment is going to come back and bite you in the ass," the Spectre parried. "Or kick you in the quad."

"Good thing I protect my assets."

"We weren't trying to kill you, Shepard," Kaidan said, attempting to explain the truth of the situation. "We just know you don't really like Christmas."

Testily, the Spectre challenged, "Who told you that?"

Joker smirked. "Basically, Commander, everyone aboard the Normandy."

"They were projecting."

"Yeah. Right… and I suck as a pilot, Garrus is mister humble and Tali just loves those elevator rides."

Clearing his throat self-consciously, Kaidan continued with the explanation. "Well, the holiday season and being confined to Citadel while the Normandy undergoes repairs hasn't done much to improve your… um… mood…"

"And?" Shepard said, her eyes narrowing menacingly.

Clearly uncomfortable, Kaidan's right hand rubbed the back of his neck. "And-"

"And," Ashley said, unable to stop herself from interrupting. "What LT is so delicately trying to tell you, Skipper, is that all of us could see you were ready to explode and rather than have you explode in our direction we pooled our resources and put together this gift. Not only is this our way of letting you safely blow off some steam, but it's our small token of appreciation for all that you do. You might not be fighting to save the galaxy, but you are fighting."

Dr. Chakwas walked over to Shepard and handed her one of the mugs of eggnog. "We wanted to bring a little Christmas cheer to you this year, Commander. If that comes in the form of destroying mechs, so be it."

Scowling at the colorful contents in the mug, the Spectre stated, "You realize this beverage was engineered by a Quarian who can't drink it."

"No guts, no glory, Commander. Plus, I'm a doctor." The older woman pulled a flask out of her jacket pocket and poured some of its obviously alcoholic content into the Spectre's cup. "If I can't cure it, I can damn well make you forget it."

Shepard smiled approvingly. "You are one of a kind, Doctor."

"Yes, I am. And don't you forget it."

While taking a sip of the eggnog, the Spectre mulled over the last forty minutes. She had to admit that the short adventure—specially blowing up the Abominable Mech—had done wonders to improve her mood. "Ya know, maybe Christmas isn't so bad."

…

Twenty minutes later the group had returned to the Normandy, quietly making their way from the shuttle bay back to the Mess to enjoy some more of the good food, drink and merriment. Before the Spectre reached the elevator though, she was stopped by Liara.

"Commander." The Asari was nervously biting her lower lip and twirling the end of her dragon tail hat between her fingers. "There is still something I would like to show you… if you have the time."

Intrigued, Shepard said, "Sure, I've got the time." Then she thought about how the researcher had tricked her earlier. "Wait a minute... This isn't another ruse, is it? I'm not suddenly going to find myself on the island of misfit toys or in another land of candy fetishes?"

Liara's eyes grew wide in both confusion and embarrassment. "No… I… That was just… I hope you do not think…"

Amused by the Asari's bout of stuttering, the Spectre laughed out loud. Then, she laid a calming hand on the researcher's shoulder. "It's okay, Liara. I was just teasing you. So… what did you want to show me?"

The researcher breathed a sigh of relief and then led the human behind the Mako to a secluded corner of the shuttle bay. Most of the room's lighting was blocked by equipment or cargo crates, leaving this particular space quite dark in comparison to the rest of the bay.

"In an effort to fully embrace this unfamiliar holiday and show our thanks to you for attempting to make our stay on the Normandy as pleasant as possible, Tali, Garrus, Wrex and I made gifts for you."

"Gifts?" Shepard said, both surprised and unexpectedly touched by the offering. The earlier homicidal adventure really had improved her mood. "You didn't have to do that."

"We wanted to. Well, most of us did… Wrex just went along with it because he was bored."

"That does sound like Wrex."

Without further ado, Liara activated her omni-tool, punched in a few quick commands… and then Shepard jumped to the right, startled by the sudden activity emanating from the Mako. The lights and horn of the infantry fighting vehicle were flashing and sounding off to the tune of "Jingle Bells". Begrudgingly, the Spectre had to admit that she was impressed. The flashing lights were never out of sync with the beat of the song, and even the horn's pitch shifted with that of the music. Three stanzas of the holiday serenade were all she could handle though before a headache threatened to erupt. Turning toward the researcher, she made a cutting motion with her hand.

Liara used her omni-tool to shut down the festive sound and light show. "Garrus wanted you to have something loud and flashy."

Assessing the now silent Mako, Shepard nodded, then took a sip of her eggnog. "I'd say he nailed that calibration."

Liara tapped a few more keys on her omni-tool and two spotlights turned on, each highlighting what looked like wreaths that hung on the corner walls. "In my research of the Christmas holiday, I discovered that the wreath is representative of the circle of eternal life. Historically, they were created to symbolize the strength of life overcoming the forces of winter."

"Wait." Shepard's eyes narrowed as she scrutinized one of the wall hangings more closely. "Is that wreath made out of… rifle parts?"

"Rifle parts and grenades," Liara confirmed. "Wrex constructed it for you, but he wanted it to have a practical purpose, so he made it into a projectile weapon."

"So this really did become Santa's workshop. I bet he had a hand in the exploding trees, too."

"Actually, yes, Commander, they were his idea."

Shepard pointed to the other wreath on the adjoining wall. With a diameter extending past two meters, it was massive. It appeared to be put together with scrap metal and fitted with multicolored oscillating lights. "That one is… interesting."

"That is Tali's design. She pieced together parts from some of the old probes we have found."

"I should have known. She seems to like wrapping things with lights."

Liara nodded her head in agreement. "We are only allowed to leave it on for ten minutes in any four hour period."

"What happens if it is on longer?"

"She mentioned something about a minor thermonuclear explosion. We have decided not to test the theory."

"Good thinking." The Spectre set her mug of eggnog down on a crate before stepping closer to inspect the wreath. "She's using the same power cell as the one on her belt. I wonder if that should make me nervous."

Tilting her head, Liara watched as the human woman scrutinized Tali's creation. "You have a good eye for detail, Commander."

Shepard flashed the Asari a wolfish grin. "I watch everything and everyone. It's what I was trained to do."

Startled by the implication, Liara asked, "You watch me?"

"Oh, Professor, I watch you all the time." Emboldened by their privacy, the Spectre moved closer to the researcher, so they were face to face. "And not always politely."

"But I have never noticed you watching me when we are in public."

"If you had, than I wouldn't be good at my job." Shepard smiled, her green eyes twinkling mischievously. "So… if everyone got me a gift, then where's the one from you?"

"Well, look at that," Ashley said as she stepped out from behind the Mako. She raised her right hand into the air, pointing her index finger to the space a meter above the Spectre's head where a small tuft of evergreen leaves and white berries hung. "Mistletoe."

Shepard, who managed to look both annoyed and startled at the same time, opened her mouth to say something, but Ashley interrupted her. "If you take a step to your left, Skipper, you'll be right under the dangerous little sprig."

The Spectre glared at the Chief, silently cursing her more than obvious purpose for suddenly materializing. But instead of acknowledging the well-known tradition surrounding mistletoe, she focused on something else that was said. "Dangerous? How is mistletoe dangerous?"

"Mistletoe is poisonous," Liara stated succinctly.

"It is?" The Spectre noted that for all of the Asari's nervousness she seemed oddly unfazed by Ashley's arrival.

The researcher nodded. "Although… the toxicity and various symptoms that can be experienced are wholly dependent on the species of mistletoe and what part of it is consumed." Vibrant blue eyes looked up and were snared by the mesmerizing warmth of green staring back.

"So," Shepard murmured, unable to tear her gaze from the Asari's, "it really is dangerous?"

"Yes." Liara took a tentative step toward the human.

As though being pulled by some force that simply could not be denied, the Spectre closed the distance to the Asari and felt herself sink into those brilliant blue depths. "I like danger."

Ashley watched them and raised an eyebrow, waiting for Liara to seize the opportunity she had bargained for. After all, the Spectre's last step put her directly underneath the mistletoe.

Tentatively, Liara's right hand reached up, her fingertips gently brushing along the soft warmth of the Spectre's cheek. Time seemed to come to a standstill for both of them as they gazed longingly into each other's eyes allowing the moment to fill with passion and possibility. Then, without warning, blue eyes blazed hotly and the researcher's mouth descended unimpeded, placing a fierce, uncompromising kiss on the human's lips. The intensity of the researcher's bold action took the Spectre's breath away, but easily coaxed her unrelenting appetite for more as her senses were overwhelmed by the paradoxical feeling of both drowning and being aflame with desire. Instinctively, her hands wrapped around Liara's back, crushing their bodies tightly together, and for the first time, feeling the intoxicating pleasure of the Asari's soft curves pressed against her own.

Wide-eyed, Ashley continued to watch them but as the kiss became more passionate, lasting much longer than expected, she began to squirm. She hadn't expected the deal they made—Liara gets Shepard to the Armax Arena, Ashley gets and arranges a sprig of opportune mistletoe—to evolve this way. She knew the Asari was interested in the Spectre, the whole damn ship knew, but she had no idea the interest was returned. Now, she had irrefutable proof.

Liara's fingers wove into red locks of hair pressing their mouths firmly together as lips, swollen by their wanton ministrations, parted slightly, allowing for inquisitive tongues to begin a ravishing dance of give and take. Ardent and demanding, the pair continued their hungry exchange until breathing became a necessity.

When the kiss ended, they both pulled back, a disoriented, glossy expression on each of their faces.

Trying to regain her composure, Liara asked. "Was that enough 'little spaceships', Chief?"

Jaw still gaping, Ashley sputtered, "Plenty. A whole fleet."

Still stunned by the unexpected, but passionate exchange, Shepard rambled, "I'm not sure what that means, but, um, thanks for the gift."

Flustered, Liara stammered, "It was like… k-kissing a sister."

"Seriously? That's what you're going with?" Ashley said, the tone of her voice an unmistakable ode to sarcasm. "Damn... you Asari must really like your sisters."

"They must," the Spectre muttered nonsensically, her thoughts jumbled and chaotic.

Liara nodded her head, not quite sure what she was agreeing with, but unable to contradict the human she had just aggressively and lustfully kissed. "We must."

As dazed green eyes locked onto abashed blue, Shepard smiled softly.

Then each pair of eyes nervously broke contact, scanning the ground as though desperate to find something else of interest to focus on.

"Okay… um… I'm going." Completely flabbergasted by what she had just witnessed, Ashley exited the shuttle bay as quickly as her feet would carry her without appearing to be running. The creepy feeling of being a third wheel had started to tingle eerily at the base of her spine.

Liara spoke first. "I am sure Ashley feels foolish right now."

"I bet," Shepard said, although she wasn't sure why she was agreeing.

An awkward pause sat between them as they snuck another look at each other.

"Well, hey. I, um... I should get back and see if, uh, Alenko needs me to sign some reports." The Spectre fidgeted from foot to foot in an uncommon display of vulnerability. "You know… before the Alliance brass decides to, uh, dry dock us any longer than needed."

"Oh… yes… of course." Liara watched as the human abruptly turned and headed toward the elevator. But just as she reached the door, she stopped and turned to look back at the Asari.

From across the room their eyes met, quietly holding the leisurely moment until the Spectre broke the silence.

"Liara…"

"Yes?"

Shepard smiled brightly. "Merry Christmas."


End file.
